I know I said ten parts... this one got added along the way.
In the telling of my story, I noticed that I was leaving out all kinds of things that God had said to me. But, the fact of the matter was, I need to keep this a pleasantly readable length. As important as all the things God said to me that I didn't write, I think, are all the times I got it wrong. I never want to give the impression that this following God's voice thing is easy. This has been an incredibly embarrassing time for me.
Alex and I have tossed our whole life plan away, and trusted in an idea that God gave us, that we believe is a promise. This may seem like a very foolish thing to some. And I'll give those people some credit... things haven't always looked too good for us. However, when I look back on where we started, I see that I am not making this up.
Since we've put our whole life on the line, we have become desperate for God's voice. Which in all honesty, is a pretty awesome place to be... but very uncomfortable. I feel more comfortable believing that God has it all worked out, and is in control. But I hate not having the plans. I'm so tired of moving forward and watching the faith of everyone around me fade, when the things I believed, don't happen.
I mentioned that we were desperate for God's voice. Has anyone ever noticed that if you think you are hearing God, and you wait and do nothing, you don't hear anything again for a while? Alex and I became determined that we were going to move on every inkling and not lose any opportunity to get closer to God's voice. This is where most of the embarrassment comes in... Once I drove my car where God told me and talked to a complete stranger. That actually turned out great, but Alex could tell you, making myself do that is like cutting off my own arm. It so goes against my nature that it is physically painful. Another time I actually showed up at a funeral, laid hands on the body, and told it to get up. Nothing happened. That surprisingly was not the most embarrassing thing I've ever done. Until now, Alex was the only person who knew about it, no one at the funeral knew me, I don't think any of them heard me, and I was careful not to make eye contact with anyone as I was leaving.
These are the stories that are not as fun to tell, but I think they are important. Behind every success story, I believe there are about 10 stories of failure. I certainly do not want to give anyone the impression that I think I've got it all figured out, or having any special ability. I'm just a person who has decided that life is only worth living if God is as real and big and powerful as I believe him to be.
One of my favorite quotes of all time is by George MacDonald, saying that before judging anyone for not believing in God, you should first determine whether their idea of God is one who ought to be believed in. My idea of God is so huge and incredible, that the only proper response is to throw away everything in pursuit of him, not just in experiences of him, but to get in on whatever he is doing.
