Part Ten: What Now?

So, after Alex didn't get the job, we kept thinking maybe it wouldn't work for Tony to work 2 full time jobs, and Alex might still get the job. We thought maybe Owens would put their foot down, or maybe Tony would get too tired.

In the time afterwards though, Alex's friend at work who didn't pray, came to turn his life around and seek God through Alex. So, we can't argue with God's timing too much. That was an incredible thing for Alex to be a part of, and given the choice, he would have happily delayed the Owens job just for that.

So, we are still waiting. We are not sure what God is doing, but we believe that he knows better than we do.  And God has certainly been active in our life. Even though our faith took a big hit, we have still been following God.

We have been following God to get the right house for us to live in. A year or so ago, we had felt God telling us it was time to get ready to move, and we did. Then we found our dream house for half its value. The details have come together for that in a miraculous way. That also, though, has been a battle that took way longer than we thought it would. But we finally moved in at the beginning of October.

Then we felt God telling us it was time for another baby. It was something we both had on our hearts, but we were afraid to have another child with Alex working 2 jobs still. We had wanted our kids to be fairly close in age, but I was scared. Having Eden was the hardest time of my life, and I had vowed that Alex would be more available the next time. We started praying about it, and came to the conclusion that we would quit preventing after we moved. I was praying about it a lot, asking God to show me that it was his timing and not mine. Well, in July we were delighted to learn that I was accidentally pregnant.

So, since I got pregnant, Alex got scheduled for mandatory overtime at work for the first time in years (actually, since the last time I was pregnant). We moved on a weekend that was inconvenient for everyone we knew. Alex is now working 70 hours a week. We have 2 broken cars, still no working oven or furnace, and Alex has been threatened with being fired if he takes any time off of work.

I've been reading Isaiah a lot lately, finding comfort in God's words, declaring that he is in control of everything. I have come to the conclusion that God has ordained even the struggles of my life. Things don't always look good to me. But I believe with my whole heart that God is good. And anything he asks of me, I will give, and I will try to give it gladly. Things don't look too good to me at the moment, but whether or not they are good, is for him to judge not me. Like the Israelites, God has asked many things of me that have not made sense and the results were not at all what I expected.

Alex and I still pray together every day that God would miraculously give Alex a full time job at Owens sooner than expected. We are in a standstill, but we still believe.

Part Nine: The Interview and the Wait

Two years after God told us Alex would work full time at Owens, Alex finally had his interview, his interview for the position that was not supposed to exist, and for which he should not be qualified. Several other people were applying for the position, some of whom were Alex's good friends. On his way into his interview, he met his friend Tony coming out from interviewing. Alex was shaken. He hated to think about competing with his friends. He was just trying to focus on doing what God had lead him to.

His interview went extremely well. When he got home, he was not so sure it had gone well, because it was not at all what he had prepared for. But as he told me about it, I knew he had been remarkable. And that evening, his friend Charlie who had been on the hiring committee, texted him and told him that he nailed the interview. Now he just had to wait. The choice was based on 3 factors: a welding test, the interview, and qualifications like education and job experience. Alex knew that two of the other candidates were higher qualified than he was. So, we waited.

We waited a long time. It was a difficult time to even know how to think. Here we had this promise from God that we had faith in. But also, we had experiences where things had not happened the way we thought they would. We were trying so hard not to think. We expected to hear before the end of the semester, but Winter Break came, and then we knew we would not hear until after Christmas. Then the next semester started, but still we had not heard.

Finally, the result came. Alex had tested the best, and interviewed the best, but because of one qualification Alex was missing, his friend Tony came out ahead. Still, there was a little hope. Tony had told Alex that he might not accept the job even if it were offered him, because it would be a huge cut in pay from where he was currently working.

So, we waited. We waited while Owens and Tony went back and forth arguing over the contract. I'm not sure how long this went on, it may only have been just a few weeks, but it felt like months. It was agonizing.

I was angry that Alex was not the first choice for a job I believe God created for him, but I was ready for this to be our Lazarus story. I fully expected God to show up "3 days late" and hand the job to Alex. I felt that, the first time around, I was Mary throwing herself at Jesus' feet, crying, "Where were you?" But this time around, I felt that Alex and I were standing in the tomb over Lazarus' dead body. We could hear our friends and family mourning the loss outside, but we were standing there, waiting for Lazarus to get up. Then, I felt God speak these words to me, "Get up, dry your tears, and come and meet me on the road, because I am almost there." I was so excited. I sent an email to a friend, saying "Lazarus just twitched!"

Well, then Tony accepted the job. Apparently Owens did not offer him what he wanted, but he took it anyway, deciding to work 2 full time jobs. We were bewildered. Alex took it graciously, saying Tony was his friend and an excellent teacher, and he bore him no hard feelings. But we both began to lose faith in our ability to hear God's voice.

Part Eight: That Damn Dam!

I had a vision that I was standing in front of a dam. Behind the dam I knew there was this great rushing water and it was God and all his plans. I was standing in this dry valley, sobbing, just begging God to break down the dam. I shared this with Alex. He said he felt the same way, but he was going at it with a pick ax, screaming. We both felt that we knew the plans God had for us, but we just could not get there. We were stuck in this place where our hands were tied, and we could not do anything. I knew that as soon as that dam broke, I would be carried away in a delightful chaos of God's plans for us.

When we knew that Alex was again going to be qualified for this position that God had promised him, we felt that the concrete of that dam was rumbling and cracking, and we were waiting in the still moments before it burst apart.

Alex had a dream that we were standing in a field watching a storm roll in. And in the dream, there were these words, "we're going to get wet." It wasn't a scary storm, it was the thrill of a great rain after a draught.

It was late last fall, and Alex had collected everything he needed for his application. He submitted it, and we waited, knowing that the head of the department planned to have someone chosen by December. What had been taking years, now seemed to be moving so fast.

Part Seven: Lazarus

Alex and I continued fasting for an entire year. I fasted from deserts and Alex fasted from lunches. After that year, the position at Owens was still not filled. They could not find anyone with a four year degree qualified to teach welding. This did not come as a huge surprise to anyone in the welding program, as anyone with a 4 year degree would not have been a welder as their primary vocation, since there is no 4 year degree in welding.

Since they hadn't been able to fill the position, we still had a faint glimmer of hope. Around this time, our friend Sammy preached a sermon at our church about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead 3 days late. His sermon was about God raising our dead hopes and bringing our faith back to life. Needless to say, it hit home hard.

In the story of Jesus raising Lazarus, when Jesus arrives 3 days late, Lazarus' sister Mary meets Jesus on the road and throws herself at his feet, crying "If only you had been here!" That had been me for the last few months. Every day, I was falling at God's feet crying, "Where were you?! We did everything you said, we followed you, and at the last minute, you didn't show!"

So, that fall they opened the job again, dropping the degree requirement to an Associates. Alex had not completed his Associates yet but he was close. So he went in and met with an advisor to see if there was any way to get that degree. Well after trying several options, they were able to create a degree that was divided between welding and photography, and he had exactly the right number of credits... down to a one credit hour Tai Chi class that filled his last elective. It was miraculous. Alex was now qualified again!

At this point, Alex had everyone he knew praying for him, even people who don't pray. He had a conversation with a friend at work that went like this:

Alex: Dude, you gotta pray for me!

Friend: I don't pray.

Alex: Well you gotta pray for me!

He had that conversation every day, until the friend started praying. Alex told his story to everyone he came in contact with, asking them to pray. It was a very exciting time.

Part Six: Enter Eden

When Alex started teaching, we were shocked at how much he was making. He was teaching 2 evening classes, and making almost as much as at his full time job. It was more than we expected. He had never been told an exact figure when he started, and there was no hourly rate on his pay check. So, we were just pleasantly surprised. Well, that surprise was less than pleasant when we found out that the payroll department had made a mistake, and had been paying him for 3 classes not 2.  We found out at the end of the semester, and we had to pay the money back. So, they took it out of his paychecks for the next semester. So, in order to pay it back, Alex took on 3 classes, in addition to taking some classes.

So Alex was working more, being paid less, and I was due to have Eden that semester. It was a very difficult time. Alex was never home, and when he was, he was working. I had pregnancy complications that made it very difficult to care for Micah. And we were financially strapped, so I could not afford to get help or even go anywhere. I ended up being induced over spring break so that Alex could be there.

After I had Eden, I battled postpartum depression. It was a very difficult time. Literally every day I would fall on my knees begging God for there to be a better plan. I prayed that a job would open that fall, and they would lower the requirements so Alex could be qualified. I begged this every day. While I would not voluntarily sign up to go through that again, I would never give up the things I learned in that time of desperation. Even though I look back on it and still shudder a bit, I value it greatly.

Well, fall came, and Alex got a phone call from his welding instructor, Charlie. He excitedly told Alex that Owens had finally approved another full time teaching position for the welding department. At first Alex got excited, but then remembered that he was nowhere near qualified. He pointed this out to Charlie and Charlie said, "I know, I just felt that this was good news for you."

Alex and I were both very excited. In our heads we knew it did not mean anything yet, but in our hearts, we both felt God was telling us that this job was for Alex.

God had done the first half of what I asked, so Alex and I both started fasting, praying that they would drop the qualifications. A couple months later, the union stepped in and said that Owens could not create a teaching position that none of their part time instructors were qualified for, they had to drop the requirements. Alex was going to be qualified! That semester, Alex took every certification class he could get into, to pad his resume with more qualifications. When they started accepting resumes, Alex went to submit his, and it would not go through because he did not have the 4 year degree. Somehow, Owens had been able to reinstate that requirement. We were crushed, but still determined. God had moved enormous mountains. He could do it some more.

Part Five: Veggie Lessons

During this whole time, some of the most profound lessons Alex and I have learned came through animated vegetables. Seriously, Veggie Tales has taught me a lot in the last few years. Buried in the silly acting of Bible stories, there are some profound sermons. I suppose this should not come as a huge surprise, given that the basis for these videos is the Bible. However, it came as a surprise to me.

At the time, and I give God the credit for this, Micah's favorite videos were "Gideon: Tuba Warrior," and "Josh and the Big Wall."

Now Gideon is my favorite. Gideon receives a ridiculous command from the Lord, and tests it to see that it is really God. He never seems to worry about what God is saying, only that it is in fact God. Once this is established, he sets out to take a tiny army against the enormous army of Midianites. Then, God tells him to cut down his army. He cuts it down, then God tells him to cut it down again. Left without enough men to even put up a fight, Gideon takes his men with horns and torches, and manages to confuse the Midianite army into fighting each other. Gideon stepped out, looking absolutely ridiculous, having faith that God would show up and back him up. So many times, I have felt that, by following God's voice, I've put all my dignity on the line, believing that God will back me up. Actually, this is one of those times, as I am taking this story as public as I know how, and at this moment that I am writing, it looks like God left me hanging high and dry.

Anyway, in the Veggie Tales telling of Gideon, my favorite part is when the angel says to Gideon, "It's not your job to defeat them, it's God's. Your job is to believe that he will do what he says." Now, Micah watched this video several times a week. And it usually came on days that I needed to hear that particular line.

The next video was "Josh and the Big Wall." This tells the story of Joshua and the Israelites, after they wandered in the desert 40 years and reached the promised land, and they found the land occupied. On finding this, they had many different plans of how to fix things themselves, and many of them wanted to just go back to slavery. God, however, had other plans. He instructed them to march around the city of Jericho once every day for 7 days, and on the 7th day to blow trumpets while they marched, then when they finished, to give one long blast, and the walls of the city would collapse. Can you imagine how embarrassing? And to top it off, the French peas stand at the top of the wall hurling insults and grape slushies at them.

My favorite part of this story is when the Israelites basically say, "Heck, no!" And Junior Asparagus runs out from narrating and yells at them all. He recounts all the things God has done in the past that did not make sense at the time, but proves that God has always come through and done what he said.

So, next time your faith needs a boost, I highly recommend a little Veggie Tales.

Part Four: The Wilderness/Holding God's Hand

The time that has followed God changing our plans, Alex and I have been able to relate to almost every major Bible story. Every story in which a person is following a promise from God, we plug ourselves into it, and the story comes alive to us.

My favorite passage in the Bible is Deuteronomy 8, where God explains the Israelites' time wandering in the desert. I've been in this place so many times. It is the story of a loving God, who rather than letting his people choose their own plan, brought them out into the desert to wait. I believe God has a story for each of his people to be a part of. And I'm thankful, that in my case, as with the Israelites, he did not bless my plans but made me wander until I sought out his plan.

This little snippet from Deut. 8:3, sums up my whole relationship with God, "...causing you to hunger, and then feeding you..." I don't know about everyone else, but I don't look for God until I'm hungry for something. And I'm so glad he holds back and waits for me to keep getting hungry, instead of moving on without me, letting me continue going in the wrong direction.

As soon as Alex knew God wanted him to teach full time at Owens, he did what we all do, he tried to figure out how to make it happen. At the time, a bachelor's degree was necessary (even though there is no bachelor's in welding), and Alex had never even finished his Associates. He had state certifications, which were what really mattered for getting a job in a trade. So, Alex made a plan to pursue a 4 year degree. The plan was that he would work 2 jobs and go to school for the next 10 years. Then, he would wait until there was an opening, which there hadn't been in 20 years.

I did NOT like this plan. I did not feel that Alex missing his kids' childhood and not being a present father could ever be what God was asking him to do. I begged Alex to really seek God on this. I said that if God had really called him to teach full time, then God (not Alex) would make it happen in a way that did not destroy his family in the process.

Alex started to pray more than he ever had before, seeking directions from God. And he heard God say very clearly, "If you are holding my hand, you don't need directions." When he told me this, I thought of our small son, Micah. Micah would hold my hand everywhere we went. He never worried about where we were going, but I would tell him where we were going so that he could get excited about it. Alex and I had the profound revelation that God tells us things, not so we can make them happen, but so we can anticipate them, and see that it is him when they do happen.